


Guiltless

by niennaerso



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Hopeful Ending, References to Depression, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26236732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niennaerso/pseuds/niennaerso
Summary: A Songfic inspired by Guiltless (and Secret For The Mad) by Dodie.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	Guiltless

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. There's mentions/undertones of childhood trauma, death and depression.
> 
> Not the first Catradora fic I expected to post, but I had a terrible weekend and I found comfort in Dodie's Guiltless. This is what came out of it. For the Dodie fans out there, there's also references to Secret For The Mad, bonus points if you find them. Enjoy?  
> 

Between all of the memories and visions, they couldn’t distinguish which ones were actually real. Most of them were bad. Catra and Adora had a wall built between them, by Shadow Weaver. She opened a door that no kid should go through. They were just kids, innocent and bright to some extent, and didn’t deserve what they got. Eventually, they went from cheerful to gloomy, to a breaking point of finding out the truths about their lives, and so one of them escaped, but the other stayed in the place she knew, her comfort zone, the Fright Zone.

_“Come with me, you don’t have to go back there, we can fix this.”_ Adora asked once.

Catra refused. She didn’t believe it. How could she when the past, present and future looked all the same, like a hopeless state of life? A constant that probably could only be stopped or changed by death.

There was no point in blaming themselves for whatever issues they had now, but they came as a second nature. They were raised that way. It was practically involuntary. After being somehow free, they could face her, show her how screwed up they were, thanks to her. It would’ve been a waste of emotional energy, and perhaps sanity. The fighting was already over, but they’d been tired and drained since their early years without knowing. And even if they decided to face her and reproach her, she’d never get it. Where could all the guilt be directed towards? If Shadow Weaver wasn’t an option, and neither were Catra and Adora themselves, was it supposed to be repressed down? Until it someday blows up on their faces? There’s no solution in sight.

Now Shadow Weaver’s gone forever, but the memory of her is a burden they will carry anyways, unconsciously or not. They still can’t let go. The moment of her death held a hurricane of contradictory emotions. Depending on the perspective they saw it, it made them feel like they could forgive her, but deep down they knew it wasn’t the best for them. And still, it was consuming them. The very last minute she spent alive was used on an action that could be called redeemable somehow, but it didn’t feel right. She didn’t deserve it and that’s why she ended up dying alone. They felt bad, guilty, for not actually feeling bad.

Not one shred of hope was left in them, so Adora started to build her own. Catra joined her later on. A new found family and freedom came with a dash of bitterness and uncertainty. Doubt would always follow, to some degree. Affection wasn’t something they were used to, and at any given time they’d push it away, confused, not knowing how to deal with it. They didn’t even believe they were worthy of it.

_“Why did you come back? We both know I don’t matter.”_ Catra said.

_“You matter to me!”_ was Adora’s response, _“I’m going to take you home…”_

She indeed took her home, because they mattered to each other, they always did, and they were better together… Things could be better too, but there will come the day when they’re okay.


End file.
